Lets make this short. its exam week, and is hell itslike usual, but this end to the semester is even worse than usual. Tomorrow is my math exam which shouldnt make me feel like my life depends on it ... but it does. have you ever tried so hard in something, you can touch it but know deep down you might never have it ... this is how i feel. im a wreck .. cant sleep. cant eat. cant relax.. i just want it to be done and over with on top of this my one roomate I grew to love like a sister is now moving back to jersey, im gonna miss her like hell even though we had fights and got into arguements over nothing, i still wouldnt have traded having her as a roomate for anything. Its sad ive never lost a friend like as in someone dying, but someone moving away hurts really bad too so i cant even imagine how people deal with their friends and loved ones dying.
Sometimes i get really frustrated because it seems like life lets me move 10 steps foward then bam 4 back.. i know everything happens for a reason but sometimes i wish the reasons would appear earlier than later. I felt like I was in a good place mentally, emotionally and physically, socially, and when one thing gets out of whack it all falls apart.. one of the many things i need to work on.. trying to seperate all of these so when one thing happens it doesnt feel as if the world is turning its back on me.
I know i am blessed, i have a fantastic family, i do have friends, i have amazing parents, and more than i could ask for.. but it always feels like something is still missing.
Sometimes i am happy for weeks months and then one thing changes and i cant be happy.
I would give anything to be happy all the time, be the person everyone wants me to be, be the daughter my parents want, the sister my brother deserves, but sometimes it just gets so tough and i feel as if im a in heavy fog wandering trying to find who i really am.
No comments:
Post a Comment